Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Rope-A-Dope

In the last two days stories, two more stories have surfaced about pro-athletes using PED's. Ray Lewis was named in a story, stating that he used deer antler velvet, a substance that is banned by the NFL. In another story it was reported that several baseball players including Alex Rodriguez were using similar substances.

My take on this is....who cares?

Athletes are the current day gladiators, especially in the NFL. We expect these guys to run faster, hit harder and break a record every year. We pay to see them perform the best that they can. So why do we care if they are taking PED's or HGH to make them better or heal them quicker. If you expect them to be the quickest, fastest and hardest hitting, let them do with their body what they feel they need to.

I know the arguments.. "but athletes back in the day didn't do it"





Some may not have, but I guarantee more than you  think did. Also you have to take into account that technology and science has evolved, so why not let the game evolve as well. I'm not a Ray Lewis fan, never have been, but I really don't care if he took deer antler spray to help a torn triceps heal quicker. I only care that he show up on Sunday and play smash mouth football.

Lance Armstrong just came out of a shit storm over his doping incident. The only thing that bothered me about the whole thing is that he tried covering it up. After several bouts with cancer, I could have gave a shit less if he was tripping on peyote while in the Tour De France. Its irrelevant.

I would wager to say that many of would not have a problem if you waitress at the Waffle House was doing meth to get through a double shift. As long as your food comes as ordered and in a timely manner, you don't care. So why be so upset that athletes are using PED's. You want them to play and play hard, so let them do what they feel is right. They are grown adults and this is the lifestyle that they have chosen.

Would you have a problem that a plumber you hired was associated with a specific political party or religion. How would you even know if they were? Why should you care? You just want the guy to fix your toilet and doing it in a timely, low cost manner. Nobody know that athletes are doing PED's and HGH until some Sports Illustrated story comes along and then they are all butthurt.

Get off the soap box and let them do their jobs by any means necessary. If it would make you feel better, put an asterisk in the record books. That means you Barry Bonds.

Monday, January 28, 2013

Monday Morning Hangover



Pro Bowl:

Just seriously fuck the Pro-Bowl. This has become the dumbest thing know to man and that is not saying much considering WWE’s Royal Rumble was on Sunday Night as well.
I didn’t watch either but if you had set me down and held a gun to my head and made me chose one of the two it would have been the Royal Rumble. At least there it was going to be a surprise on who won and there would have been more effort and athleticism than in the Pro Bowl. The Pro-Bowl has not only become a disgrace to All-Star Games for all sports but to the NFL as a whole. If Roger Goodell is worried about changing rules so that players don’t get hurt, why not do away with the Pro-Bowl? It is serving no purpose for players or fans. There is nothing to play for and it has become boring. Why not give an incentive? Money or maybe a Kardashian Sister. The winning team gets Kim in the locker room for two hours. Either find a way to make these guys play or just get rid of it all together.

Kentucky Wildcats Basketball:

Hey Coach Cal…Im not sure what Wal-Mart you bought your players from this year, but I think its time to get a refund. What the hell? Your team has already lost as many games this year as your last 3 teams did combined. Your squad and UCLA’s was ranked 1 and 2, depending on the poll, at the beginning of the year. Your team is looking more like the Kentucky Kittens rather than Wildcats. Even Ashley Judd could put up more points than your starting lineup. That’s going to be a shame that you guys miss the big dance and will be lucky to get into the NIT




Michigan and then KU?:

Im really beginning to think that the AP voters this year are on a serious batch of peyote. Overall I would give the harder schedule played this year to KU. Their only loss this year came to the Michigan State Spartans. KU went on the road this last week to Manhattan and beat a ranked team. Michigan lost Ohio State and barely beat Minnesota. Even the RPI has KU over Michigan, what the voters are doing this year I will never understand. Once again Duke loses only to drop to Number 5. Hey voters get it together this year.

Loaded Lineups:

Congrats to the LA Lakers who won 2 in a row. Lets see if that momentum can sustain. The main reason that the Lakers are not having success this year is their makeup. History states that loaded teams never succeed. The Lakers tried this before, with Shaq, Kobe, karl Malone, Shawn Perkins. The Yankees try it every year. The Eagles tried it in the NFL. It always fails. Get a few studs and then balance that out with mid-level talent and you have a recipe for success. If I were the Lakers I would trade out Dwight Howard or Paul Gasol and use the bench to round out the rest of the team. Big Guns don’t always win battles.


The Super Bowl:

On the heels of the Pro Bowl, we will most likely be watching a dud in the Super Bowl as well. Can someone please tell me how this is going to be a competitive game. While the Ravens may have a decent defense, the 49ers have both a loaded offense and defense. I don’t see anyway this game stays close. Just look at what the 49’ers did in their playoff run this year and then look at what the Ravens did. If the Ravens can get up by 10 in the first quarter it may be a decent game, but I don’t see that happening. Oh well March Madness is around the corner and at least that will be entertaining this year.

Official Super Bowl Pick

49’ers by 14.

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

The Other Brothers

In the spirit of the Harbaugh Bowl approaching, I have compiled a list of other famous brothers that we would like to see compete against one another, in some capacity of the other. Here you Go...

The Fabulous Rougeau Brothers

IF you watched then WWF in the late 80's you remember these guys. If not you may want to skip to the next entry. The Fabulous Rougeau Brothers, aka Jacques and Raymond. The Canadian buffoons that never did win the Tag Team Championship. Why not a Rougeau Bowl, to determine who was the best Rougeau ever. Jimmy Hart could be the special guest referee since he was there one time manager. Then again who cares about two guys from Canada and a manager that though he was Col. Tom Parker. This entry may have been a waste of time but its nostalgic and I love it.





The Marx Brothers

Sure they are dead, but with current day technology, anything is possible. While there may have been more than two of them, 5 to be exact, I say if they were around put them in a 5 way joke off to decide the best of them all. I would have to say the opening line from Vegas would favor Groucho.




The Ryan Brothers

I'm still a big fan of the Ryan Brothers showing up to the Super Bowl this year and ambushing the Harbaugh Brothers before the game begins. The battle for family dominance in the NFL can be settled, even though I would say it already has with both the Harbaugh Brothers making it to the Super Bowl. In a street fight though I'm thinking the Ryan Brothers would put the smack down. Jim might go the distance. I would include the Manning Brothers on this but who wants to listen to them cry though the whole thing?





 The Jonas Brothers

The only way I would want to watch these three is in a cage, UFC Style, in which the outcome is a 3 way knock out, in which all 3 suffer brain damage, bringing their horrible music career to an end. While we're at it the Hanson Brothers can get in on this contest as well, hopefully with the same outcome. Horrible music has no place in the world right now.



 The Bridges Brothers

I say we round up Jeff and Beau and sit them down for a massive drinking or drug usage contest. Winner is the superior Bridges Brother. Odds on favorite is going to have to be Jeff. Who can go against StarMan, The Dude, Kevin Flynn and Rooster Cogburn? In fact I don't even think it should be a contest. Lets just award Jeff the King of The Bridges Family.





Sheen and Estevez

Does this even need to be discussed? The Vatican Assassin Warlock I think has already demonstrated his superiority in this family. Emilio would simple cry and scream Shut Up!! repeatedly (Breakfast Club) Hands down Charlie is the superior brother here. I think the only one in the family that would have a chance of dethroning Ol Tiger Blood would Martin, but that would have to be in his prime (Apocalypse Now)



Monday, January 21, 2013

Monday Morning Hangover

I really hoped it wouldn't happen. I wanted to see Tom Brady play for another ring, I wanted to see Tony Gonzalez at least get to 1 Super Bowl. More so Gonzalez. May how bad has this guy had it. Stuck in Kansas City with a team that really never had a desire to win a Super Bowl. An organization that was more concerned with selling season tickets and keeping ass in the seats, than winning a trophy named for its former owner (Lamar Hunt) and maybe even winning a Super Bowl. Then Gonzalez goes to Atlanta to play for an organization that just cant get it done. Look at its owner though Arthur Blank, the guy started Home Depot. Now his football team the Falcons shadow that place. It looks all great from the outside but inside its a total mess and you never really get what you want. Poor Tony. Now due to the choke job by the Pats and the Falcons we get to watch a Super Bowl coached by the Harbaugh Brothers. Dont get me wrong both great coaches, but now we are going to be mauled with the Harbaugh Stories. We will hear so much about it between now and the Super Bowl, the Harbaugh Family will start to feel like the Manson Family. So with that being said lets tap into the Top Ten Themed Headlines that we would like to see:

1. Biblical- "Am I My Brother's Keeper?"
2. Hollywood- "O Brother Where Art Thou"
3.Rap- "Brothers Gonna Work It Out" (see below video)
4. Obvious- "Harbaugh To Win Super Bowl"
5. Political -"MLK Dream to see Brothers in Super Bowl Comes True"
6. Dramatic "A House Divided"
7. Musical- "We Are Family" (Sister Sledge)
8. Tabloid- "Harbaugh's Reveal One Of Their Sons Was Adopted"
9. WWE- "Ryan Brothers Ambush Super Bowl With Steel Chair Attack"
10. Old School "The Third Harbaugh Brother...Harpo"

Public Enemy- "Brothers Gonna Work It Out"



Hold Up, Tom Brady

A week ago I was seriously ready to add Tom Brady to the greatest of all time discussion, with the likes of Montana and Bradshaw. Not so fast. You know what made Montana and Bradshaw the two best? They always found a way to win. That is something that has eluded Brady on many occasions. I personally think Brady is going to have to win 2 more Super Bowls to erase some of his choke jobs in the post season. Yes I know if Wes Welker could learn to catch a ball in the post season that would help as well. However, a few black marks on Brady...in the closing of the first half, poor clock management that could have got the Pats another 7 points. In the closing of the second half in desperation. Why not run for the 1st down instead of the bad pass to Brandon Lloyd? These are things that separate good quarterbacks from great ones. Maybe it wasnt Brady's day, then again it hasnt been his day for a while. When its on the line lately he chokes, like Im sure his wife does after a night on the town.

Duke Again

Surprise...Duke is back. See last weeks entry regarding this.

Also I went out with Manti Te'o's girlfriend this last Friday Night...I was given the silent treatment.

Monday, January 14, 2013

The Monday Morning Hangover


Every Monday, comedian Doug Cheatham sits down to write some thoughts about various teams and players of the sporting world. Sometimes to approval but most often to vent anger and poke some fun. Welcome to the Monday Morning Hangover.

Damnit Jim...what a wild weekend of sports. 3 close NFL Playoff games and the top 2 teams in the Men's 25 poll go down...now for some thoughts on all of that.

Duke and the AP Love Affair: So let me get this straight Duke loses and only drops to Number 3 and receive 14 first place votes. I really don't get this. Any other time this year that a number 1 team has lost they have sunk further than that in polls. It is no secret that I hate Duke with a passion. I'm huge Kentucky Wildcats fan and by proxy entitled to hate Duke for the rest of my life due to the 1992 shot. I would piss on fire to put a Duke player out. That is how bad I hate them. While I do hate them you have to admit, from 1 to 3 with a loss is unfair to any other team that has faced the same fate this year. It happened to Indiana in week 7 of this year and they were dropped from 1st to 6th. Can someone please tell me why that makes sense? Every year though the press seems to have this priest/boy love affair with the Duke Blue Devils and it gets quite old. I know what you may be thinking, its not like my favorite team is doing much better. The Wildcats obviously paid the wrong batch of players this year. These guys are horrible and I wont be a bit surprised if the Wildcats don't even make the Final Four Tourney. That being said, sports writers please put the man crush for Duke away and vote the poll fairly.


Tony Gonzalez Finally Gets Some: Was it just me or did Tony Gonzalez look the a 40 Year Old Virgin that just got laid after the Falcons win on Sunday? You have to feel good for the guy. All those years in Kansas City with wasted opportunities only to belt the same hand in Atlanta thus far. There was not a more deserving NFL player to finally get a taste of a post-season victory. I really hope that the Falcons can get into the Super Bowl so he gets that experience too. However I don't see that happening. How bad of a choke was that by the Falcons on Sunday? Don't get me wrong the Seahawks are a good team but they are no San Francisco. I smell a beat down in the air.

Jovan Belcher Redux: So now Jovan Belcher was drunk at the time of his death? How is this news and does it matter? I resubmit the Monday Morning Hangover from December 3rd that caught me some national attention...

Dear Javon Belcher
Sad move bro. Take it from a guy that has battled depression and anxiety since 2003. It sucks, it takes you to a dark place. Most people don’t understand it is a real thing. Most people laugh and tell you to suck it up. Most people don’t realize it as much of a condition as any other medical condition out there. Take it from a guy that has set many a nights thinking about taking the easy way out. Take it from a guy that tried once. One thing is for certain though. Just because my life sucks and I get to the point that it is time for me to go, that does not give me a right to take someone else with me. That does not give me a right to do the deed in front of other people that will be mentally scarred for the rest of their lives. You sir are a coward. You are not a coward, because you took your own life. Most people say that people that commit suicide are cowards. They are not. They obviously have never sat in the dark, with nothing but their thoughts and regrets and reached that place where there is no hope. They have never sat after trying doctors, meds, counselors etc. and reached a place of no hope. You are a coward because in the midst of your dark times you decided to take another life with you. A life that was connected to other people that cared for her. You are a coward because you deprived your daughter of not only knowing her father but her mother as well. You are a coward, because even though you reached that point where you could not go on anymore, instead of doing it privately, you had to expose that horrific moment to 3 other people. If its time to go, its time to go and I will never judge that. However there is no need to drag other people into your personal battle with life.
Doug
PS. To people that have a problem with this, don’t you judge until you have sat in that spot in life.



The Lance Armstrong Apology: So Lance Armstrong has apologized to the Livestrong Staff. Who cares? He rode a bike..he had cancer..he took performance enhancing drugs. If I rode a bike in France and lost a nut I would take performance enhancing drugs as well. When was the last time any of you tuned into TV to watch a bicycle race. If you are that offended and mad, then please take your Livestrong Braclets off an use them as a tourniquet the next time you have to take any medication to overcome whatever ailment in life you are facing. 

Peyton Manning is Tom Brady's Bitch: The only asterisk to that statement is this...in the era of Joe Montana and Terry Bradshaw when players were allowed to play like Gladiators and not catch a flag and 15 yard penalty for looking at another player the wrong way, could Tom Brady of hung with the big boys? I think so and for that the main stream media needs to get off Peyton Mannings dick and get on Brady's. Peyton Manning is a choke artist. Even Peyton's little brother has had better success in the post-season. Tom Brady owns Peyton Manning. It isn't even close. There should be 3 quarterbacks in the discussion for best of all time and they should go in this order... Bradshaw, Montana and Brady. If Brady can win two more Super Bowls I will put him at the top of that list. Why is Peyton Manning even in the discussion. He won a Super Bowl against a Bears team that lucked into being there. Peyton is a hack and has no business in that discussion. No go hope in a Buck and do an Orange Barrel Reroute over to the likes of other almost great quarterbacks. 

Till Next Week...

Love,

Doug





Monday, January 7, 2013

The Monday Morning Hangover


Every Monday, comedian Doug Cheatham sits down to write some thoughts about various teams and players of the sporting world. Sometimes to approval but most often to vent anger and poke some fun. Welcome to the Monday Morning Hangover.

New Year…New Format


Kansas City Chiefs

Kansas Chiefs fans can rest a little more comfortable knowing that Clark Hunt found his balls and decided to flex them. Other than once this year after the Jovan Belcher incident did your Clark decide to speak up and address an issue. Of course I think we all know why Clark was so quick to run out and hire Andy Reid. It was coming time to renew season tickets and up until that point season ticket holders were jumping the Arrowhead Ship like rats jumping off a barge full of feces. That is not a dramatic statement either. I was too young to remember the early 70’s with the Kansas City Chiefs, but to those people that I have talked to that do remember it, say the same thing, this last year was the worst in franchise history. Now at last there is hope. Andy Reid was not my first choice. Personally Bill Cowher would have been the optimum choice and I would have paid him whatever he wanted to come here. However Andy Reid was second on my list. This guy has forgot more about football than many of us will ever know. Coupled with the fact that Clark fired that hack Scott Pioli, there is reason to be a little optimistic in Chiefs land again. Other teams looking for GM’s learn the lesson that KC did, Scott Pioli does not know shit about football. The Patriots were successful for one reason…Bill Belichick. Avoid Pioli like the plague.

BCS Championship Game:

Does Notre Dame really think they stand a chance in this game? This is the most mismatched BCS title game that I have seen in a while. Sure Bama got punked by Texas A&M, but everyone has a bad day. Nick Saban is going to dial up a game plan that is going to make every Irish Catholic person in the country running to confession tomorrow. ND it’s not going to happen. I look for Bama by 21.

NHL Strike:

I was just fine with hockey highlights not clogging up sports center. Can you guys think twice about coming to a deal?

Washington Redskins

If for one second the Redskins are considering trading away Kirk Cousins, I wouldn’t. I saw the writing on the wall yesterday. RGIII had a great rookie season but I have a feeling that was as good as it gets. This guy is going to suffer a career ending injury, if he hasn’t already. One more good pop on that leg and the dream is over. That is sad because the Redskins have been fun to watch this year. Make plans to find you someone else to back up Cousins because I have a feeling he will be your starter at some point in time next year.

NFL Playoffs

Spoiler alert….they wont win it all, but…the Sehawks are going to the Super Bowl. These guys got hot at the right time and they are firing on all cylinders. Atlanta will have the best shot of beating them but I think when it comes down to it the Seahawks are going to win that game by 3. That is a rough prediction for me to make because if there is one guy in the NFL worthy of going to the Super Bowl its Tony Gonzalez. This guy has played for more horrible teams and never got there. Other predictions….Ravens beat the Broncos and I really hope that Ed Reed and Ray Lewis stick a orange barrel reroute up Peyton Mannings over hyped ass. Pats over Texans, Green Bay over SF, meaning your NFC Championship Game is going to be a re-match of the Fail Mary Game.

College Basketball

My beloved Kentucky Wildcats are a mess. I wont be a bit surprised if the don’t make the tourney this year. Duke as usual is over rated… odds on favorites right now to win it all KU or Michigan. Coach Cal, next year buy better players.

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Deeper Shade of Soul

The year 1994...I was 18...I was standing in front of The Hurricane in Kansas City, Missouri, which was positioned in the Westport area. A few months before that an albumn named Persona Non Grata had dropped by a band that very few had hear of named Urban Dance Squad. I prayed that I looked old enough to get into the 21 and over club. The only reason that anyone in America knew who the Urban Dance Squad was, was because of their 1989 song "Deeper Shade of Soul" As usual main stream radio picks and chooses what they deem good and the clones go along with it. Ironically I thought it was their worst song. Ironically thought that was the only reason that I knew who Urban Dance Squad was. However Im smart, I took the time to listen to the whole CD which turned out to be a masterpiece along with their later release, Life 'n Perspectives of A Genuine Crossover. But Persona Non Grata which came out in 1994, blew the doors off the whole discography. The band from the Netherlands consisted of, Rudeboy Remmington (vocals,) Micheal Scoots (drums,) Silly Sil (bass guitar,) Tres Manos (lead guitar) and of course DJ DNA...guess what he did.

So there I was, me and my friend Brian Robinson who was also underage, his older brother Geoff Robinson, Jimmy Davis who looked like a young Everlast. We all wanted in and everyone had the agreement if the two kids didnt get in then we were shit out of luck...considering I had drank damn near a fifth of Firewater (that is cinnamon schnaps to you younger kids) I didnt think I stood a chance getting in. Alas though you have to love a door man that is stoned out of his mind and I walked right in. Brian didnt fare so well, and was denied.

The sad part about the evening was only about 50 folks showed up. Hands down it was one of the best concerts I have ever seen. UDS is still one of the best bands that I have ever heard. Back before Rage Against The Machine melded metal and rap and funk, these guys were doing it without all the depressing political overtones. Back before 311 (Music and Grassroots era) was melding funk and metal these guys were doing it. Only once other band was out there that had them beat, that of course being the Red Hot Chilli Peppers (when they were good.)

It pisses the shit out of me that great bands never succeed. The only way to succeed is sell out and become what you hate. I have respect for UDS because they never did that...they just rocked and when they saw it wasnt going to happen on a larger scale they hung it up. Got to respect that. I could bash the shit out of other bands that have went the other way, 311, Metallica, there are 's others but since 80% of America is brainwashed with the Top 40 shit Im just dropping a couple you most likely have heard of.

Then there are bands that have been at it for awhile still grinding doing what they love, without selling out. The Toadies, Tiger Army, The Reverend Horton Heat. Hats off to you all.

The point is while mainstream, the internet, social media is cramming shit music down out throats, we need bands like Urban Dance Squad back more then ever to offset the shit that is rolling down hill. We need those bands that make us want to pay a $20 cover at a shithole bar (and I mean shithole in a good way) like the BottleNeck in Lawrence, Kansas, The Hurricane when it was open to see a band that only a few have heard of but damnit if the evening isnt going to rock and after all the years of booze, drugs, kids, marriages, etc you can remember that night vividly because it was fun...yes Urban Dance Squad...please come back.